You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
