i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
