where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
