roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
