So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
