That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
