Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
