Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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