OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
