i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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