apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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