I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
