smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
