Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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