this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
