Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
