1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
