Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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