I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
