He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
