He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
