he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
