Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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