Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Randomize
