You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
