**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
