Cold hands, warm shart.
garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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