Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
