when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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