hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
