I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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