Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
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