I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
