oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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