don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
