I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
