Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
