The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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