literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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