Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
