FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
