I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
accomplished twins. life is a go
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Randomize
