Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
