so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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