yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
