I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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