Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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