He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
