hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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