We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
