So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Randomize
