so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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