Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
